PART TWO, ACT 1, SCENE 1: " TRISKAIDEKAPHOBIA, THE FEAR OF 13! OR, WHY AND HOW STAN JEFFERSON BECOMES STAN LAUREL! (1917/1918?)
Pantages theatre circuit ("the Siberia of vaudeville"), West USA - shabby dressing room. The act's Annunciator Board in the corner states - STAN JEFFERSON - IN "NO MOTHER TO GUIDE HER!". (Notice: No mention of Mae..........!)
Stan and Mae Dahlberg (his personal and professional partner for 10 years in total) are changing after performing their act. Stan is dressed as an old woman (the 'Mother' very Dan Leno-ish) - heavy greasepaint, wrinkles and liver spots etc, matted grey plaited hair, rumpled, over large top and skirt (a la 'Old Mother Riley') - with terribly wrinkled stockings!
Mae (the 'Daughter' in the act) is in her satin underwear and stockings while she waits for Stan to remove his makeup and catch up. She spots, picks up and begins flicking through an old history book a past performer has left on top of a pile of newspapers and magazines.........
STAN: "I have GOT to change my name! Stan Jefferson is 13 letters - and that might explain our run of bad luck lately!"
MAE: (exasperated) "Well, I've looked at magazines, newspapers, billboards - even telephone directories - for MONTHS now - and there's STILL nothing you like.........."
STAN: (stubborn face) "Still doesn't make me change my mind.......!"
MAE: (flicking the pages) "Oh! Look at this...........!"
She holds up a page displaying a drawing of a famous Roman General, Scipious Africanus Major - Stan takes a peek whilst cleaning his face.......
MAE: (laughing sexily) "Oohhh! Did you look like that in "Rum Un's From Rome..........?"
STAN: (laughing) "I did a bit yes.........(sexily) Would you like me in that look?" Mae and Stan stand up: Mae, still holding the book, lightly kisses him on the mouth with her arms round his neck.....
MAE: "Ooh.......you are awful! (sexily) Ho yes, I would have liked you in that look.......!" Stan laughs and goes to kiss her but Mae brings up the book from behind Stan's head
MAE: "Look! He's wearing a circlet of laurel leaves round his head.......Did you have any laurel? They would really have suited you - those green leaves and your red hair......Mmmmm!"
STAN: (nuzzling her neck) No......they were a symbol of wisdom, for the Senators. I was only 'Barmicus', a silly, very simple, soldier.......Laurel is just bay leaves........"
MAE: I think you SHOULD have had some laurel - Hey? What about that for a name.........?"
STAN: (looks at book, jokingly) "What??? Scipious Africanus Major???"
MAE: (giggling, hits his chest playfully)"No!!! Laurel! Stan Laurel. 'Look to your laurels Stan'! How about that for a stage name?"
STAN: (serious) "Stan Laurel.......! Yes....(grins) YES! I like that. It has a kind of ring to it! Sounds very good.......STAN LAUREL!"
MAE: (slightly sarcastically) "And it's only 10 letters! (coquettishly, eyelids fluttering, pressing up against him sexily) So? - Shall we celebrate our new stage name Stan........??
STAN: "Ours......??" Mae kisses him passionately and he responds eagerly, his hands running up and down her silky back.
Notice: By Scene 2, the Annunicator Board for their act NOW reads.... STAN AND MAE LAUREL........!
PART TWO, ACT 5, SCENE 2 (1924+): "ROCK BOTTOM"
Inside Joe Rock's office: Joe is a film producer, owner of Joe Rock Productions: he is seated behind a big wooden desk, waiting for Stan's first day of filming. (Stan and Mae are so poor they are staying with friends Perce (one of Rock's Directors) and Gertrude Pembroke)
Stan is dithering (side on) in the doorway, picking at something on the door frame.
ROCK: (laughing) "Stan! Stop goofing around - come in for crissake!"
Stan turns and just steps into the room. Rock does a double-take.....
ROCK: (jumps up, completely shocked) "MY-GOD! What's happened to your face??"
He goes over and pulls Stan further into the room and over by the window. He cups Stan's chin up and studies his face.....it has "three or four long, deep scratches on it, from the under his left ear, right across his face to his mouth"
STAN: (uncomfortably) "You won't believe this but I was playing with Perce and Gertrude's cat........and, well, I must have held her too tight or something because she pulled away from me and scratched me and...."
ROCK: (looks directly at Stan for a good few seconds) "What's this cat's name - MAE?"
STAN: (sheepish) "She just wants to be in a film Joe........."
ROCK: (sits in his leather/wood swivel desk chair - Stan sits on a chair on the other side)...(Rock suddenly picks up the telephone (to Secretary) "Get me Perce Pembroke's home number for me will ya baby?" (hangs up)
STAN: (panicking, jerking his upper body forward) "What are you going to do??"
ROCK: (telephone rings once - Rock picks it up and winks at Stan) "Hello? Gertrude? Hey baby.... (listens)....what's that? (slowish, looking at Stan) Mae-was-expecting-me-to-call? (Stan sinks deeper into his chair) Then I guess you know who I want to speak to - is she there?" (rapidly aside to Stan, hand over upright mouthpiece) We are NOT going to use her Stan - that's OUT and you know....(sugary) Aaah Mae! Stan here tells me that you haven't got your costume yet. Come over and we'll talk about it. (listens) Just as soon as you can....(listens) Five minutes it is then! Good-Bye!" (slams down the phone then picks it back up again) "We're gonna need some strong black coffee in here baby - Oh! And Mae Laurel is expected here very soon (listens) I know, I know - she's not allowed on the lot - but you just show her RIGHT IN HERE - and let's make that coffee hot and quick baby - and only two cups!" (replaces phone and grins at Stan).
ROCK: I've got your contract here Stan (pulls open drawer and waves a piece of paper at Stan before putting it back) so - stick with me kid in whatever I say and do - and don't blow it!"
Door opens - they both look up, startled - it's just the Secretary with the coffee. The relief on Stan's face! Secretary busies herself pouring and handing out coffee - she pulls up another chair beside Stan, looking at both Stan and Rock with a puzzled face.....Rock blows her a kiss, she exits, closing door.........Stan relaxes.......
Two seconds later, door bursts open - there "like Gloria Swanson in 'Sunset Boulevard'" stands Mae, posed and framed in the doorway........She is wearing "a new designer frock, with a diamond clip and small diamond earrings in her pierced ears," best shoes, strongest perfume - the works! She pushes the door shut, loudly......
(Camera cuts to Secretary outside - glass and ear placed firmly to the door, listening).
Stan part rises - Rock doesn't, merely waves at empty chair.
ROCK: "Mae! Please, sit down Mae! Oh dear - we don't seem to have got a cup for some coffee for you.... (Mae ignores) Stan tells me that you haven't got a costume. (Mae preens, smugly)That sounds to me like you expect to be in this film.......Whatever gave you THAT impression??" (Mae's face drops!)
MAE: "Well....er (bristling) Well! I am!"
ROCK: (very cool) "Stan has also told me that he won't work because you're not in the picture (Stan looks at him blankly) - is that correct?"
MAE: (composure re-adjusted) "ABSOLUTELY!"
ROCK: (swivelling on his chair, the fingers of each hand drumming on the arm rests) "What would you say Mae........if I told you that.....if Stan won't work in the picture because you're not in it......I'd just get myself another comedian" (Stan's face drops like a stone!)
MAE: (smugly) "Aha! But you can't do that! Stan has signed your contract. And the sets are built. And the people are hired - and so you MUST shoot with Stan! And STAN won't work without me........!"
ROCK: (suddenly stops chair, leans forward, voice with a very sharp edge) "Mae - you have been a stone round Stan's neck for years! (Stan and Mae's mouths drop in unison) You say you love him, but your actions now are keeping him from making a living for the both of you. Can you afford that? I had to give Stan money for food, for bills - why, even the very clothes you're wearing now! And you WAITED until you thought I wouldn't be able to get another comedian. (leans back) Well!......Your little plan hasn't worked! (standing up, loudly) You are NOT going to be in this film Mae! That was the understanding I had with Stan and with Perce as his Director. Stan may be the film's gag writer and editor as well as it's actor but it is he - (points at Stan) - HE is the comedian people want to see, not you!" (Mae's bottom lip starts to tremble)
ROCK: (softer, sitting) "Mae..you're a good - even GREAT - character actress. Why, I can put you in ANY picture I've got - as a CHARACTER actress - and you would be as good as anyone around. THAT is your forte....."
MAE: (visibly shaken and teary eyed) "But what, what about Stan's contract?" (she shoots a look at Stan - who just pushes deeper into the chair and stares out of the window)
Stan looks like the world has dropped on him: he picks a large piece off his shoulder and trails it in his hand on the floor. Mae has a small piece in her hair (which she doesn't notice): she starts to REALLY cry - eyes frightened, hands to mouth - Rock slams the drawer shut.
ROCK: "I'm sorry it turned out this way Stan. I HAD thought we were on the verge of a nice asociation with each other....."
Stan sits holding that piece of paper - on the verge of tears himself!
ROCK: "I thought we had mutual respect for one another, at least on my part, as evidenced by the dollars I gave you but.... no Mae! (holds up his hand) You can keep the dress...I don't want the money back I'll just charge it up to the production.... But honestly Stan! I really did think that Mae loved you a LOT more than this......!"
MAE: (sobbing, angry) "I thought you were his friend!!"
MAE: (angry) "I'll sue!" (she rises and motions Stan to leave - he doesn't.......)
ROCK: "Do so!............But on what grounds? And with what? My own money?? My contract is with Stan, not you. If you want him to work Mae, then fine....but YOU stay out of his professional life!"
MAE: (crumpled) "I do love him - he......he'd just be lost without me! (Stan rolls his eyes upwards) He depends on me you see - we are good for each other...."
ROCK: (softer) "I'm not telling you to LEAVE him Mae -just take a professional break. It will do you both a power of good....."
Mae opens the door - the Secretary outside nearly falls over but scurries away, un-noticed!
Mae leans against the door frame and sobs hard, arm across her brow, shoulders shaking up and down - her best, last shot).
STAN: (rising, knees wobbly) "Joe -I'll report to the studio tomorrow - alone!"
ROCK: "We can shoot round you today...I'll warn makeup....(snorts) it'll take some doing to cover those scratches!" (shoots a look at Mae to ram home the point). Mae, defeated and genuinely crying quietly into a hankie, is being comforted by the Secretary in the outer office.
STAN: "I'll bring some of my Dad's greasepaint - that should do it it! (feeble laugh) Tomorrow morning then Joe - same time, same place.........(louder) Let's go home Mae!"
Mae exits, crying on the Secretary's shoulder......Stan, in Rock's doorway, looks back at Rock, completely drained........Rock winks and grins - he pulls open his drawer - and brings out Stan's REAL contract - opening it up and outwards in mid air to show him.........Stan's face shines out in a look of relief - he manages a small smile of admiration before leaving to catch up with Mae, closing the door softly behind him. Joe Rock - alone - wipes a shaky hand over his face and rocks in his chair......the telephone rings. He sweeps the contract back into the drawer and answers the phone - business as usual..........!"
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Stan - "Making comedy is the most serious business in the world............." TRUE !
I hope to show from the scenes opposite that Stan's personal life - and his character - was NOT AT ALL like his character on screen. Stan was dealt body blows by various events - personally and professionally - but was not averse (when the need arose) to deal a few himself, even if it was via other people.
Stan liked strong women - I think he benefitted from strong people generally. After all, you must not forget, that most of his childhood was mapped out for him - his Father thought he would automatically become a Theatre Manager (script and gag writer etc) like himself and when Stan made determined decisions to strike out alone, they very often go very wrong....
But (with hindsight) can I say that they were wrong? They brought him to the spot where he found world-wide fame.
But.....even then, it was other people that determindly went against what Stan wanted to do that finally brings Stan to his point of fame.
You must remember, that Hollywood in those days was very raw - but very profitable: anyone - from any background, with, or without money could have a go at making movies! (See script). English music halls and vaudeville were very cut throat and behind the scenes, very unglamorous (often dangerous) places. For every one act that made it (what ever level on the circuit), you can bet there were at least five that didn't!
Take Charlie Chaplin for instance - he was a completely different character from Stan (and this film will be completely different from the "Chaplin" film!) He was much more abrasive, often aggressive, and ambitious whereas Stan (Chaplin's long-term understudy) was as equally talented but very likeable. When Stan makes his first movie (see script), having been 'scouted' from the vaudeville scene, Chaplin (having boarded and been friends with Stan for years) whisks Stan off from the trade party after to 'circumvent' offers being made to Stan on the night - even trading on their old friendship. Now Stan hadn't seen Chaplin for years - ever since Chaplin left Fred Karno's USA troupe and went off to become very famous, making comedy movies with Mack Sennett. Chaplin tempts Stan with his idea for one big studio with autonomous, 'franchised' film making companies within it's set-up, as Chaplin says "perfect for Stan". But - whenever Stan tries to talk to Chaplin about it, Chaplin never answers his letters. Thinking about it - Chaplin was offering to make his rival (his BEST rival!) to possibly become as famous as himself .....that would mean that the public might start making comparisons, might like Stan's talent better than his..... might go to Stan's films more than his, might forget Chaplin altogether! No wonder he reneged on the original idea! In fact (see script) they don't see each other for a great many years after that, when Stan delivered a book for Chapin at his home autographed by Hannen Swaffer. They spent SEVEN HOURS, catching up with what had happened in between and reminiscing about old times - but Chaplin, after, STILL never replies to any of Stan's letters! Chaplin's 1964 autobiography mentions Stan once - in a photo caption - the 1970's book barely more. By comparison, Stan's misdemeanours seem very small beer.......
I mention this rivalry business as that might explain why Stan never wanted to hook up originally with Ollie Hardy - it was nothing personal but Stan was highly regarded by a lot of people then (and now) as having as much (even more) talent than Chaplin - so why does he need a partner? It was the progression of suing Joe Rock for his delay on releasing Stan's films and Stan being technically out of work for months but having promised not to act or star star at any other studios that makes Hal Roach winkle him out from behind HIS cameras as writer, director, gag writer and editor - first as a replacement for Ollie (Ollie burnt his arm and hurt his leg) with a bribe. Roach let things run on with Stan back behind the cameras after (popping out occasionally disguised and eventually as himself to act again) and Hal hiring Leo McCarey that Laurel and Hardy happens. Both Roach and McCarey were the strong personalities that Stan liked (respected and needed) and so Stan - after MANY years and other near-misses, is eventually matched with Ollie.
Financially Stan also by now has a family - so that no doubt had to be considered! (Actors on contract get paid more than bit players - or writers, directors and gag-writers!) Plus, as I mention in the script, Stan makes the comment that heavies making jokes aren't funny (pigeonholing was very common in those days). And Ollie's path towards acting was TOTALLY different from Stan's.....Because of his size, he was a heavy and a consumate straight actor (I'd put him on par with Spencer Tracey any day!) and a TERRIBLE upstager..........renowned! However, once the universal forces that destinate our lives had ironed out these various wrinkles, their paths conjoined to make them into the BEST comedy duo of all time, respected partners and best friends. Indeed, when Ollie dies, Stan's 'Laurel'/ film-making career dies too. But Stan still goes on..........He holds open house to the public and upcoming talents alike and holds comedy Master Classes for Jerry Lewis, Dick Van Dyke, Peter Sellers - (Sellers used him MANY times in various ways!) As a point of reference here - Boris Karloff started out as a comedy player in one of their films, as did Peter Cushing, Jean Harlow and Robert Mitchum, and Drew's (great?) Granddaddy - Lionel Barrymore......!
Alas, old age catches up - but even on his deathbed Stan makes a joke.........he says to his Nurse - STAN: (sighs)"I wish I was ski-ing right now! NURSE: Oh - do you ski Mr Laurel?" STAN: "No...but I'd rather be doing that than this!" and he promptly died!
How - and why -these two great men have been forgotten I just CANNOT say or understand.....both have FASCINATING, contradictory (in part, obviously) historical, funny, sad, serendipidous life stories - the whole of human life is there! (They made over 400 films either separately or together, and that's discounting Stan's stage work!)
They are global icons - as recognisable as Mickey Mouse and Coca-Cola (and MUCH more loved!)
You know, the other day - a day when, as you do, part-listen to a tv item and wished you'd paid more attention?.....
I heard that someone somewhere had analysed the percentages you need for a good film - so much for for love interest, so much for tragedy, so much for comedy (that came out highest as I recall!) etc - each of these films hit every ONE of those percentage buttons!
Let's do it - lets pay tribute to these two wonderful men - lets introduce our children to THIS type of fun, laughter, fantasy - music hall and vaudeville - good clean (sometimes naughty!) - that 'Saturday morning cinema' feeling........ WE NEED IT - and LAUREL and HARDY DESERVE IT!
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